But unfortunately it can only travel into the future
\nat a rate of one second per second,<\/p>\n
which seems slow to the physicists and to the grant
\ncommittees and even to me.<\/p>\n
But I manage to get there, time after time, to the next
\nmoment and to the next.<\/p>\n
Thing is, I can\u2019t turn it off. I keep zipping ahead\u2014
\nwell, not zipping\u2014And if I try<\/p>\n
to get out of this time machine, open the latch,
\nI\u2019ll fall into space, unconscious,<\/p>\n
then desiccated! And I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019m afraid of that.
\nSo I stay inside.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a window, though. It shows the past.
\nIt\u2019s like a television or fish tank<\/p>\n
but it\u2019s never live, it\u2019s always over. The fish swim
\nin backward circles.<\/p>\n
Sometimes it\u2019s like a rearview mirror, another chance
\nto see what I\u2019m leaving behind,<\/p>\n
and sometimes like blackout, all that time
\nwasted sleeping.<\/p>\n
Myself age eight, whole head burnt with embarrassment
\nat having lost a library book.<\/p>\n
Myself lurking in a candled corner expecting
\nto be found charming.<\/p>\n
Me holding a rose though I want to put it down
\nso I can smoke.<\/p>\n
Me exploding at my mother who explodes at me
\nbecause the explosion<\/p>\n
of some dark star all the way back struck hard
\nat mother\u2019s mother\u2019s mother.<\/p>\n
I turn away from the window, anticipating a blow.
\nI thought I\u2019d find myself<\/p>\n
an old woman by now, travelling so light in time.
\nBut I haven\u2019t gotten far at all.<\/p>\n
Strange not to be able to pick up the pace as I\u2019d like;
\nthe past is so horribly fast.<\/p>\n